Hot Mess Momma

      Hi everyone! As it gets closer to Christmas and emotions are coming to the surface for many of us, I wanted to talk a little bit about anxiety. I suffer from anxiety and am currently off my meds due to issues with finding a new provider, so it's really hitting me hard. I want to share some of my thoughts and feelings today in hopes that anyone who reads this. 

    I have 2 young daughters, so my house is trashed, but every time I get up to start cleaning, I get overwhelmed and sit back down. I have not been able to get off the couch or out of bed for about 3 days now. I mentioned in my introduction that I fought DHS for 3 years to get my daughters back, and this is the first Christmas I've had them and I had to call their Dad to pick them up early (he was supposed to come the 26th) because my anxiety got the best of me. I am struggling internally because this is my first chance to spend Christmas with my daughters, and I had to tap out.

    I've gone back and forth all day about this, and I am still having mixed emotions, but at the end of the day, I have to stand by my decision because I know it is the best thing not only for myself but for my daughters as well. They deserve the best version of me possible, and I am incapable of giving that to them. I am yelling at them for small things, ignoring the big things, I'm pretty much immobilized, and I've been crying intermittently throughout the day. They don't understand any of this; they just know that mommy is different, and at a time in our lives where consistency and stability are so important, keeping them with me when I have an alternative would set us back. 

As you can see, I am comfortable talking about my mental health issues, but I know not everyone is. I want to normalize talking about your mental health issues, whatever they may be. I also want people to stop beating themselves up for how they feel at any given time. I know it's hard because I spent most of the day kicking my ass. Feelings and emotions set us apart from animals; they remind us that we are alive and beautifully flawed and human. So, before you get stuck in these emotions and let them take you to a negative place, remember it doesn't have to get to that point. Reach out to friends, family, and loved ones, take a walk or a drive, read a book, watch a movie, listen to music that touches your soul, anything that keeps you present yet able to feel and process your emotions.

Keep in Keepin' On, 

Hot Mess Momma